Humor Is Dead - Commence Finger Pointing --- Flight 587

Commence Finger Pointing --- Flight 587

We've taken some liberties (common these days) with our Flight 587 finger pointing, but frankly, a profit-whoring mass media coupled with an oil rich, secretive administration is the ideal breeding ground for any number of conspiracy theories to copulate and populate the net. We offer a few commentaries based on various truths, because due to the events of the last year, no one will ever really trust anything ever reported again.

OK, Just a Bit of Turbulence Folks
Yes we've been a bit critical. We bashed GE, we declared "War of Featherism", meanwhile, the NTSB has been hard at work cracking the case of the demise of Flight 587, and it's come down to: turbulence.

So while airport security and cockpit security are being heavily debated, we now must accept that in flying an airliner too close (4 miles) to another airliner causes the tail and rudder to drop? Yeeesh. We accept that accidents do happen, but billions of dollars worth of tax breaks and/or handouts to the airline carriers pretty much guarantees that none of that money will go towards any serious attempt at accident prevention studies. As United Airlines ungracefully demonstrated during the World Series, it's better spent on advertising... and spending for the sake of spending is GOOD!...

War On Featherism
President Bush announced a "War on Featherism" today in response to the downing of American Airlines Flight 587 by a suicidal Canadian Goose. Attorney General John Ashcroft told reporters today the bird "knowingly, and willingly" entered the GE CF6-80C2 engine during flight "with the intent to injure humans", and assured the American people that he will do "whatever is possible, regardless of any enforceable treaty or signed constitution", to add extra security at migration checkpoints

on our nation's borders.

The FBI is investigating a possible cell of evil-bird activity adjacent to JFK International Airport at the Jamaica Bay National Wildlife Refuge. Several species of Egrets, Woodcocks, Heron, and other waterfowl have been held for questioning.

Meanwhile, F-16 fighters we scrambled to the skies over Cape Cod after "several credible sources" reported a goose was seen leaving a V-formation and heading towards the Pilgrim Nuclear Power Facility in Plymouth. Developing...

GE: Generally Evil

An FAA order this past August to step up inspections on GE CF6-80C2 engines "to make sure thrust reversers do not activate in flight". The FAA had ordered previous tests of the thrust reverser valves.
A mandatory list of 22 modifications required of the GE CF6-80C2 Engine, presumably all of which would prevent major engine failure one of kind or another.
Similar "reverse thruster" malfunctions causing past jet engine related mishaps.
The "we've heard it all before" unethical practices of GE, from their nuclear campaign, to their dumping of PCBs into the Hudson, to the actions of CEO Jack Welch on Election Night 2000.

... we wouldn't be surprised if in their blind pursuit of profit they ignored a known problem, which is especially difficult to start diagnosing while shit-canning 800 jobs at the GE plant that makes the aircraft engines. Are job cutbacks really necessary when $671 million is being forked into your account by the government "for the people"?

Will we see action taken against the "evildoers" at GE? Only if the president finds out these same engines power Air Force One!