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2005
Humor Is Dead

Plan On Smashing That Starbucks Window? How About A Grande Frappamochachino On Us Instead!
Bloomberg to Award Protestors with Discounted Tickets to Crappy Restaurants and Plays

8/18/04 -
In an attempt to cash in on protestors, New York City has come up with...get this...Special Offers for Peaceful Activists. By wearing a special button (and, we assume, agreeing to be peaceful) you can enjoy discounts on dinners at Applebee's - surely the first spot I'd hit if I were visiting this culinary capital. So if you plan on smashing any Starbucks windows, perhaps you'll think twice before you give up a discounted Grande Mochachino (only $2.50!)

Well, we call this discrimination, plain and simple. So we're offering buttons for the other protestors - the ones we really want to see in action. And by wearing our button, you also get discounts. Discounts on COOL stuff to do in NYC. Enjoy!

Our Button
  • $5 admission to the Museum Of Sex - a lame attraction every city has apparently embraced
  • 2-for-1 admission to the Staten Island Zoo - Something no New Yorker knows exists (I think this one is a scam)
  • 10% off Applebee's - Hey Wichita! Why settle for poor New York cuisine when you can have what you're used to having at home!
  • 30% off admission to Tony & Tina's Wedding. (Wow - talk about elitist liberal plays!)
  • Free admission to the public rest rooms in Washington Square Park
  • Free FBI blacklist removal upon any visit to any Anarchist Book Stores
  • 10% off any Pabst Blue Ribbon at CBGB's
  • 50% off baseball bats at Sports Authority (upon written promise to smash in a Starbucks or McDonald's window)
  • 2-for-1 spraypaint or lighter fluid at Joe's Hardware
  • 10% off signage at any Staples (anti-Bush slogan included)
  • Free facemasks with the purchase of set of gloves at any Manhattan GAP
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