Priest Mistakenly Drinks Bounty Collected From Church Blood Drive

9/4/03 - He was hoping, naturally, that his wine-n-sex all-nighter with members of the church youth group would go unnoticed. But one local church leader is in, ha, holy hot water after it was discovered that "the blood of Christ" drank at the party was really "the blood of Chris, Tom, Dick, Harry", and everyone else that donated to the recent church blood drive.

"I'd thought the wine had tasted a little too literal", says Father Al U. Card of St. Larry's in New Akron, Ohio.

The packs of blood, numbering close to 100, were being kept in the church rectory and were collected just hours before the alleged orgy. As expected, donators that had A+ attitude were soon said to B-.

Well, "oops," as Father Card put it himself, "I didn't know about the blood drive. I certainly wouldn't have drunk dozens of pints of blood if I knew it was blood."

Further pressed about the buttsex with minors, however, Card commented, "ah, yah, well, ya got me there, I suppose. But, per orders from the Vatican, absolutely no married homosexuals were invited. See you in court."

The horrid discovery was made early the morning after by Red Cross volunteer Jane Wayne.

"An open and empty fridge, and a room full of naked men and boys with blood on their hands," said Wayne. "And I'm confident we'll be reading about this for years as the case goes in and out of the courts."