City May Face Arrest At Republican National Convention Under New
Illegal OxyContin and Viagra In Audience Puts Alan Jackson And Scores
Of Other Talentless Performers At Risk
4/30/04 (New York) - A
new bill, The
Ecstasy Awareness Act, in addition to the Illicit
Drug Anti-Proliferation Act, may put Alan Jackson, Charlie Daniels,
Karl Rove, and scores of other talentless performers and speakers
at serious risk when playing at republican rallies and gatherings,
according to worried insiders.
the provision of these bills, almost any music promoter, nightclub
owner or arena or stadium owner could be fined and jailed, because
a reasonable person knows that some people use marijuana and other
drugs at musical events. This makes a lot of people extremely
worried, including Bush campaign spokesman Marc
of these bills is extremely worrying. Firstly, there is no doubt
Limbaugh will be at the Republican National Convention this
summer. His illegal drug use is a concern to us. The prospect of
a bust is very real,” Racicot explained.
are eagerly rubbing their hands with glee over the bill, which they
formerly opposed, since it was mostly democrats getting Phish
in trouble every show they play.
is no way anybody can be in the same room as dozens of republican
speakers and not turn to hard drugs if illicitly obtained prescription
drugs cannot be procured beforehand,” pointed out an anonymous
tipster. “Look, you’re either going to need some uppers
for when these senators speak or some serious downers – enough
to knock you completely unconscious – when Alan Jackson starts
playing. It’s just not physically possible to endure the suffering
one would otherwise face.
are worried that even psychedelics will be easily available and
used widely at the convention.
when normal people listen to the administration speak, they can’t
help but turn to mushrooms, LSD, or peyote in an attempt to construct
an alternate state of reality – any alternate state, in fact.
I expect to score more tabs here than at the dead shows I used to
attend with Al Gore,” claimed one left-leaning huckster.
So, could Bush
and his administration be held responsible for the rash of expected
drug use at the convention?
not,” said Mayor Bloomberg, “but federal laws need to
be upheld whether they threaten to leave my city a broke fascist
police state or not.”
you strip it all away, Jerry Garcia destroyed his life on drugs.
And yet he's being honored, like some godlike figure. Our priorities
are out of whack, folks. - Rush Limbaugh
Educators Declare: "Alan Jackson Doesn't Know Shit From Shiite