Dew Pushing Department of Homeland Security for Code Red
- Mountain Dew is reportedly applying strong diplomatic pressure
on Tom Ridge to up the nation's Security Advisory System to Code
Red. The company spent over $50 million dollars to be the official
sponsor of the Code Red threat level, and maintains that the government
is "not doing enough to give Mountain Dew the exposure it could
were vocally dismayed by the administration's apparent brand favoritism
and made the following public statement: "We spent a lot of
advertising capital to be the official sponsor of Security Threat
Code Red, which offers Mountain Dew an extremely valuable branding
opportunity. The returns we had hoped for are simply not there,
as other sponsors have been given ample sponsorship time while Code
Red has had limited exposure."
Ridge assured all of the Department of Homeland Security sponsors
that, while he is doing his best to give maximum airtime to all,
he cannot compromise public safety.
leftists have accused the administration of unfairly capitalizing
on the new color-coded security system by allowing corporate sponsors.
Those anti-Americans were effectively ridiculed and sidelined from
any further discussions regarding the matter.
Pepsi spokesman accused Mountain Dew of funding terrorist cells
across the country in the hopes that Code Red would finally
make an appearance. "We find Mountain Dew's behavior to be
despicable. Offering Mr. Ridge and the administration millions of
dollars in campaign contributions is one thing. Funding terrorists
groups is another. They've gone too far." Mountain Dew vehemently
denies the charges, despite refusing to allow an independent investigation
into Pepsi's claims.
Mountain Dew news, the company recently distributed invitations
to attend its "Extreme Sports Do the Dew Charity Ball."
Insiders estimate that the event may raise up to $30 million dollars
for the Republican Party.