Ann Coulter Touts Conservatism, McCarthy Era: Retires To Kitchen
Considers Knitting, Cooking Advice Column

Ann Coulter Enjoying Cold War Existence

6/25/03 - Ann Coulter, heeding her own call to wipe out evil liberalism forever, traded in her job, her pen, and her unladylike attitude for a life of cooking, cleaning, and just being an all-around super homemaker and housewife.

"Since they started demonizing McCarthy, liberals in this country have committed an endless series of treasonous acts, including allowing Muslims to live on American soil and letting women vote and violate the workplace," Ann quipped in a recent interview with fair and balanced journalist Matt Drudge.

Ann Coulter, yearning for the days of the Cold War, is happy to shut her mouth, get married, get on her knees, and clean her husband's piss off the toilet.

"I'm looking forward to collecting all the recipes off of my Betty Crocker box tops and testing various dishwashing liquids. There's nothing that makes me happier than the sight of my husband receiving a warm meal I slaved over all day. If he has a particularly rough day, I'll act naughty and give him a blow job. I just love satisfying him almost as much as I love dusting those hard-to-reach places in our living room."

Ann Coulter plans to retire from politics altogether. "Politics, business, and football are for men. I prefer reading Dear Abby, clipping coupons, and raising children, thank you. That's the way it was meant to be - before the crybaby liberals came around. But I'm over that."