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2005
Humor Is Dead

Representing Their Five Media Owners, Toons Grow, Extend, Fifth Finger
Corporate Entities, Government, Enlist Pop-Icons to Send Hearty Gesture to Populace


Left to right: AOLTimeWarnerCNN's Bugs Bunny, ABCDisney's Mickey Mouse, ViacomCBSNickelodeon's Spongebob Squarepants, MSNBCGE's Peacock, and FOX's Bart Simpson. In the background, foregoing the common blue-screen, lies what is commonly known throughout industry/government as a "gray area".

6/3/03 - Lined up on a sound stage near FCC headquarters in Washington DC, a group of popular stars from the cartoon world gathered to send a message to the masses. Although liberal-minded themselves, they aren't stupid, as they know exactly where their paychecks come from.

"We're expressing our thanks to all the nice folks who wrote the FCC in the last few months," said Bart. Public interest, try as they might, could not be reached for comment.

Directed to meet for a photo-op, the characters were instructed by their corporate bosses to come up with a message symbolizing their feelings towards the American consumer. The fifth-finger salute was thought to be the idea of AOL Time Warner CNN mascot Bugs Bunny, through recommendations made by two of his company's former directors/shareholders who [in a now perversely redundant sounding oh-golly-gee-will-you-look-at-that sense of surprise] just so happen to be named Michael Powell and Colin Powell.

The initial seed for the idea, though, is credited to Mickey, who in retelling the story of the NBC Peacock having a tire burst on his SUV on the way to the set earlier in the day, said that the accident "flipped the bird". The idea caught on famously.

"We were all created with four fingers, probably to prevent this very expression," said Spongebob Squarepants of the irony within the irony wrapped in an enigma. Again, flexing his newfound and opinionated appendage, says "Here's to you, public interest!"

The scene got quite ugly after the cameras stopped rolling, as Bart Simpson of FOX began beating the living shit out of the rabbit, mouse, bird, and sponge. All four are labeled in 'guarded' condition at local hospitals, as posted on billboards all owned by Clear Channel.

In a related story, lawyers for the big five media conglomerates remain in conference to determine which of them will first sue the illustrator at cashless Humor is Dead for the use of the imagery seen above. Complicating matters are the sudden swappings of ownership of these entities, occurring at such a rapid and haphazard pace following the vote yesterday that Spongebob alone has reportedly had nine different owners in only a matter of hours, including, for a few moments, the manager of a Laundromat in Joilet, IL. As a precaution, the editors of Humor is Dead have sent the illustrator straight down to Gitmo, as he damn well deserves.

And in another related story, media execs have unveiled plans to further assist the FCC with the huge outpouring of dissent by giving the "independent government agency" hardware and software filters to block such e-mails and voice-mail representing the public interest.

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