Their Five Media Owners, Toons
Grow, Extend, Fifth Finger
Corporate Entities, Government, Enlist Pop-Icons to Send Hearty
Gesture to Populace
Left to right: AOLTimeWarnerCNN's
Bugs Bunny, ABCDisney's Mickey Mouse, ViacomCBSNickelodeon's
Spongebob Squarepants, MSNBCGE's Peacock, and FOX's Bart Simpson.
In the background, foregoing the common blue-screen, lies what
is commonly known throughout industry/government as a "gray
Lined up on a sound stage near FCC headquarters in Washington
DC, a group of popular stars from the cartoon world gathered to
send a message to the masses. Although liberal-minded themselves,
they aren't stupid, as they know exactly where their paychecks come
expressing our thanks to all the nice folks who wrote the FCC in
the last few months," said Bart. Public interest, try as they
might, could not be reached for comment.
meet for a photo-op, the characters were instructed by their corporate
bosses to come up with a message symbolizing their feelings towards
the American consumer. The fifth-finger salute was thought to be
the idea of AOL Time Warner CNN mascot Bugs Bunny, through recommendations
made by two of his company's former directors/shareholders who [in
a now perversely redundant sounding oh-golly-gee-will-you-look-at-that
sense of surprise] just so happen to be named Michael
Powell and Colin
seed for the idea, though, is credited to Mickey, who in retelling
the story of the NBC Peacock having a tire burst on his SUV on the
way to the set earlier in the day, said that the accident "flipped
the bird". The
idea caught on famously.
all created with four fingers, probably to prevent this very expression,"
said Spongebob Squarepants of the irony within the irony wrapped
in an enigma. Again, flexing his newfound and opinionated appendage,
says "Here's to you, public interest!"
The scene got
quite ugly after the cameras stopped rolling, as Bart Simpson of
FOX began beating the living shit out of the rabbit, mouse, bird,
and sponge. All four are labeled in 'guarded' condition at local
hospitals, as posted on billboards all owned by Clear Channel.
a related story, lawyers for the big five media conglomerates remain
in conference to determine which of them will first sue the illustrator
at cashless Humor is Dead for the use of the imagery seen above.
Complicating matters are the sudden swappings of ownership of these
entities, occurring at such a rapid and haphazard pace following
the vote yesterday that Spongebob alone has reportedly had nine
different owners in only a matter of hours, including, for a few
moments, the manager of a Laundromat in Joilet, IL. As a precaution,
the editors of Humor is Dead have sent the illustrator straight
down to Gitmo, as he damn well deserves.
And in another
related story, media execs have unveiled plans to further
assist the FCC with the huge outpouring of dissent by giving
government agency" hardware and software filters to block
and voice-mail representing the public interest.