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France Raises Threat Level To Merlot
Directive Changes From "Run" To "Hide"

Amid rumors of bomb plans on major croissant distributors, France raised its terror threat alert from White Zinfandel to Merlot. This is the first time the level has been raised into the true reds, and French citizens are expected to act accordingly by immediately electing a communist and hiding in their wine cellars.

Threat Level

Precautionary Requirements
Champagne Sneer, nibble on cheese, be pensive
Pinot Grigio Eat McDonald's, watch hollywood movies,
then bitch and moan about American culture
White Zinfandel Ban headscarves, run
Merlot Hide
Burgundy Surrender

Note: By including an unoriginal jab at the French, the editors at Humor Is Dead are officially exempt from government suspicion as dissenters, and meet the seal of approval from FOX news, Matt Drudge, Ann Coulter, Sean Hannity, and The Man Formerly Know As Dennis Miller.

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