Transatlantic Food Fight Escalates
Michael Savage Hosts French Poodle Bonfire; France Plans Removal
of Statue of Liberty
Michael Savage (assface, bottom left) hosted a "Shoot,
Stab, and Burn French Poodles for Freedom Rally" outside
of Charlotte, NC this past week, sponsored by seven area radio
stations owned by Clear Channel Communications. A cameraman
captured this horrific scene, showing many French Poodle carcasses
burning on a giant bonfire (background), while other dogs (foreground)
are choked, stabbed, and shot at point blank range. Pro-war
supporters and many other misguided FOX News aficionados attended
the rally (click image for larger picture).
Carolina Representative Walter Jones couldn't leave well enough
alone this week, bringing the idea of renaming "French Fries"
to "Freedom Fries" from Beaufort in his home district
to the Congress cafeteria. In doing so, the government of the United
States have shown their utter disdain for the country of France
by removing their name from fast-food potato slices cooked in animal
the state, Peugeots burn in the streets of Charlotte. Restaurants
across town, from the Waffle House at Exit 32 off I-85 to the Waffle
House at Exit 33 off I-85, continue to show signs of this newfound
Toast' will become 'Ameri-Muffins', 'French Bread' becomes 'Pansy
Loaf', and for undermining the United Nations, 'French Dressing'
will become 'UNdressing'," said Biff Branson, owner of 47 Waffle
Houses in the greater Charlotte area.
At a local Wal*Mart,
the store freedom-greeter explained some further moves to remove
everything France from their store shelves. Many cheeses are being
renamed, or having American flags applied over the French flag decals.
Spaghettios and other Franco-American brand foods are being pulled
from the shelves. Even the magazine stands can't escape unscathed,
as 'Elle' becomes 'L', depicted with a thumb and index finger to
the forehead, and 'Mademoiselle Magazine' gets shortened to 'Mad
As for the French
kiss, it has also been changed, to Hershey Kiss, and according to
some locals, some confusion has ensued in regards to its' appropriate
method of execution.
extreme measures were being taken just west of town, as popular
hatemonger Michael Savage hosted a "Shoot, Stab, and Burn French
Poodles for Freedom" rally. French Poodles, along with some
other breeds that got caught up in the moment, were corralled, then
slaughtered in the name of freedom and in the denunciation of all
things France. Savage, recently hired to host a television show
on GE's MSNBC, is the embodiment
of pure evil, and a world famous nutrition expert(!).
to these atrocious acts, France is expected to formally announce
next week that it will take back the Statue of Liberty, a gift given
to the United States from France in the late 1800s.
"As a symbol
of Democracy, the Statue of Liberty really ought to go to, well
an actual Democracy first, but a country that's actually, er, nice,
non?", said French diplomat Henri Meunier.
"One with a freer press, one
that doesn't veto so many UN resolutions, one
that does not support child slave labor, doesn't
boycott the International Criminal Court, doesn't break international
nuclear treaties, and doesn't
interfere with the removal of democratically-elected leaders of
The French diplomat
was soon unavailable for additional comment, as he was packed up
and shipped to Gitmo, as he damn well deserved. Charlie Daniels,
unfortunately, could be reached for comment, which he delivered
gonna rip out their tongues, and fetch me all my guns,
and I'm gonna shoot all dem peace lovin' terrorists
America free, from those that disagree,
once I kill all dose those peace lovin' terrorists
I've got red in my eyes,
and my skin it be white,
and the blue is the bruise
I'm gonna lash out on you..."
Beaufort North Carolina, a town that means "extremely beautiful"
in French, are proud of local man Neal Rowland, the owner of Cubbie's
restaurant and renamer of the French Fry to Freedom Fry, the impetus
of the whole nationwide anti-Franco movement.
proud to be home of the 'Freedom Fry'," said local resident
Helen Nelson. We corrected Helen, as, figuratively, the home of
the 'freedom fry' is actually the Department of Justice.