Area Horse Eats Vacuum
Farmer, Townsfolk Marvel At Comic Effect, Tidy Barn

10/28/03 - No one is quite sure how Randy, a three year gelding, managed to swallow an entire shop-vac, but the real surprise came a day later.

"Well, that Randy was looking a little bloated, and I couldn't find that ol' vacuum I keep in the barn," says local barn-magnate Red Jenkins. "So, uh, when the cord pooped out of the pooper, I put two and two together and got, uh, seven, and a little bit of poop."

Actually, what Red had put together was a fully functioning vacuum completely encapsulated within his horse. After reaching down his throat and pulling the hose out, the only thing left to try was plugging in the cord that dangled from the horse's ass.

"Only about 2 feet of cord came out, so I got him a really long extension," commented Red. "And then, well, we turned on the magic. He just loves it."

Randy is now plugged in most of the time, keeping his stall nice and clean, with or without the assistance of the area kids that thrill over riding Randy bareback.

"I love Randy the vacuuming horse!" said 6-year-old Kellie Nellie of nearby Butte Springs.

It is this reporter's opinion that Kellie, Red, and the rest of the townsfolk will be fairly upset in the coming future. Per Red:

"He does go through a lot of food though with that suction action, but at least there's no mess. Hey, how do these vacuums work anyway, they clean themselves, no?"

No.