Suspected chaddery: Strong evidence of tomfoolery

Torn, Hanging, And Dimpled Chads Found On Kobe Bryant Accuser
Investigators Claim Open And Shut Case Against Florida

8/8/03 - The DA in charge of the Kobe Bryant case presented damning evidence of vaginal malfeasance yesterday by producing what appeared to be several torn and dangling chads.

The young accuser, who claims to have been improperly fondled by an aging Republican senator in a voting booth, submitted herself to several close examinations by a "completely bipartisan" investigative committee. The committee, elected through a FOX news call-in show, included several basketball stars, including Latrell Sprewell.

"There was clearly tomfoolery involved here," claimed the DA, "For a judge to rule in favor of banning the 3-point shot in the NBA is just claptrap; pure balderdash."

When polled, a group of random Americans agreed: the chads were definitely torn and clearly indicative of foul play. Kobe Bryant's charges that the chads were actually planted by Joe Lieberman's campaign manager were dismissed as just "craziness" on the Hannity & Colmes show.