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2005
Humor Is Dead

The Revolution Is Upon Us. It Starts At Sherwin-Williams
Millions Accept Corporate Logo as Sign of Pending Wrath of God.


The Sherwin-Williams logo features blood red paint splashing upon the Earth's surface and dripping from the equator. It is accompanied by the motivational / doomsayer rally cry of "Cover The Earth".
4/13/04 - "The non-believers shall bathe in blood, the lamb of God!" says young marketing executive Gordon Jordan of the Sherwin-Williams paint company.

"And that's what we love about him. His pep, his get-up-and-go attitude, we encourage that," said Gordon's boss Lester Marshall, Vice President of Clandestine Marketing Tactics. "We mean business."

Indeed. It appears the imagery and rally cry of "Cover The Earth", used as a training tool to motivate the salesforce of Sherwin-Williams Paints, closely resembles the tactics used to initiate jihad.

So - does that mean a marketing sales representative and a terrorist operative are both mentally instructed in the desire to dominate and destroy? If a representative of the American government can call the national union of teachers a terrorist organization, then we here at Humor is Dead have little qualm over comparing the marketing "power tie" to a terrorist's "power belt"

"It's the end of days," says Jon Hanlon, a guy walking past us as we were taking pictures of the Sherwin-Williams sign. "They've confirmed that Mars once supported an abundance of life. And it's red, why? Catastrophe of biblical proportions. It happens here next."

Closer inspection of the blood-covered Earth reveals that the site of initial impact appears to be somewhere on the North American Continent, possibly Alaska or the Yukon Territory. From this vantage point, Brazil, the continent of Africa, and the Iberian peninsula survive the Apocalypse unscathed.

Well, based on that, it is this reporters opinion that the war to end all wars is shortly upon us, and safe haven in Canada can no longer be considered based on the above imagery. If you are lucky enough to afford the trip to Australia - possibly the safest and habitable continent on the planet following the inevitable nuclear war - we suggest signing up for expedia.com and try the 'fare compare'. Back to you in studio.

Thanks Rob. And now let's turn it over to Larry Wonkum in the Action12 Weather Center. Larry?
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