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2005
Humor Is Dead

Billy Squier, Eddie Money Square Off in Bar Fight Over Jukebox Selection
Dilemma of One Quarter, Two Mega-hits Leads to Fisticuffs

2/11/04 - “Everybody Wants You” or “Shakin’”? This was the thorny decision facing the patrons of a local bar where both Billy Squier and Eddie Money were separately enjoying drinks on Saturday night. What started as an almost philosophical debate over the merits of each hit ended up a scene of broken barstools, broken bones, and broken spirits soaked in a sticky murk of cheap beer.

Squier and Money, who were initially unaware of each other, overheard the discussion over which song to play near the jukebox. The jukebox – a local favorite – stocks both Billy Squier’s and Eddie Money’s greatest hits packages – a sure sign to some patrons that a heated debate was imminent. Both rockers frequent Jake’s Party Patio but reportedly had never met.

“Everybody Wants You rocks pretty hard, but Shakin’ rocks too. The Shakin’ riff is a bit of an AC/DC rip-off though,” says one regular. “but with one quarter for one song, it’s a tough decision alright.”

Eventually, on that fateful night, the opening chords to Everybody Wants You settled comfortably over the bar. Money, who had reportedly been drinking heavily, sauntered over to the other end of the bar, asked Squier to identify himself, then punched him in the face. Squier flew off the barstool while a handful of fans responded with fists of their own. Within minutes, bottles and fists were flying.

Both men were arrested and charged with disorderly conduct and overtly lame lyrical offenses. 14 others were also charged in the melee. 38 Special could not be reached for comments.

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