Bush Declares $1 Now Worth $2; Boosts Economy by 100%
Ratings Also Double As Move Benefits Non-Rich As Well As Bush Friends

9/22/03 - The economy surged yesterday as $1 became $2, representing the cornerstone of the Economic Aid Package Alan Greenspan and George Bush thought up one night after reportedly drinking "7 or 8 apple martinis."

"We've been telling the American people that tax cuts for the rich, quadrupling military spending, and rising unemployment are all excellent growth indications. But they weren't buying it. So we decided 'what the hell, lets just declare that $1 be $2! Problem solved!' We expect consumer spending to double overnight!"

Alan Greenspan put his seal of approval on the bill, which passed with near unanimity in the house and senate, except for a couple anti-American, trouble-making Democrats, who were sent to Gitmo with potato sacks over their heads, as they damn well should be.

At yesterday's press conference, when asked if the two dollar bill might be brought back into circulation, Bush shuffled back and forth uncomfortably before cracking a wide grin and saying "Good one, counselor! Next question!"

One journalist asked "But if you simply double the value of money, wouldn't it follow that everything will double in cost with it?" Bush let Alan Greenspan field that question by confusing the room with agreeable economic jargon that, when translated into layman's terms, meant pretty much "Bushie can do what he wants" and "Eh - this economy is a house of cards anyway, so fuck it."