not nihilists, but we also believe that if everyone on this planet
was to not take anything too seriously there would be world peace.
And we're quite serious about that. We have learned much in 5 years
of working on this site, outlined below:
We have learned that putting
content online, with no corporate or legal status, means people
who DO get paid to be creative are free to plunder your site
We have learned that the site
is merely, as one writer put it, an "Onion knockoff",
because we all know that only The Onion has ever lampooned
the news, and reaching more people and being a corporate entity
means you are the de facto source for any product and everyone
else is in fact only an imitator, even if a founding partner
had never heard of The Onion and the other was inspired
by Mad Magazine and Frank Zappa.
We learned that spoofing another
web entity can lead to that entity's attorney sending you a
cease-and-desist letter, even though Humor Is Dead does not
make a dime, and that very company it spoofed makes its living
spoofing other companies, that being the core of its business.
that we are "liberal", and that is a derogatory thing
nowadays, so we should be
ashamed of ourselves. This despite, as
far as we know, not being liberal, but rather, and very clearly,
Is This Supposed To Be Funny?
Well if you can't laugh at the end
of the world, you're not thoroughly enjoying the time
you have. Laugh a little before we all ... BOOM!
Here we birth an internet, and some good stuff gets
on it. Then the marketing department figures it out
and slowly it gets shitty. And then certain people above
the marketing department catch on and it gets shittier
still. Not all of it ... but like a ocean that's ever-expanding,
and with that an ever-growing percentage of shit floating
Read a bunch, find a bunch more, piece
it together, find a few doosies from yesteryear, some
from last week, over time you see a few key patterns,
and then it slowly all turns into reruns. Gigantic piles
of corruption or immorality that can easily fit into
buckets of God, Money, and Control. Try to pick one
individual cause to fight. Forget it. You can't do,
for instance, just "environmental causes".
can fight one battle at a time, or you can write about
everything, and maybe once in a great while someone
trips over something we've written in
here and it hits them square in the f'n head. They
Maybe that happened to you recently.
Good! Thanks for catching on so quickly ... it's already
2005 for fucks sake!
At last count there were about six
bazillion blogs in operation ... and at least seven
of them are pretty good. OK - more like 100,000. Go
read something unsponsored.
- We learned that humor that exposes the reality
of grim or disturbing situations is actually pessimism and hopelessness,
as well as anti-americanism. We will begin behaving more agreeably
- We learned that the most popular search term
people used to find our site was "big booty", followed
by "big butt", "whore", "buddy icons",
and "butt sex", in that order. #32 was "propylene
We like to think that the
warm satisfaction we got out of this almost 1800-day endeavor heavily
outweighs the rude glare coming from our official balance sheets,
which clearly translate to a solid operating loss. However, as a
non-profit, we cannot declare bankruptcy and make millions. So that
is our loss and our failure. Therefore, we have also learned that:
This is not profitable, and,
being animals and human beings, we do things only to profit
ourselves. News and cultural satire for this medium is no longer
creatively profitable. It is formulaic, and it is boring. This
is why one can simply go
. It saves everyone valuable time. Time we could spend
doing better things. Like fishing, for example.
That being said, humor on the web has indeed
evolved. There was a time when all you had to do was email an edited
image of, say, Porky Pig with a hard-on. Thousands laughed. Some
web companies even built entire businesses around such things (you
can read about that in our equally non-profitable book, Dot Conned).
Eventually, web citizens grew tired of such
filth, and instead found more sophisticated humor in the form of,
for example, President Bush's head on a porn star's body, Bin Laden's
head on a porn star's body, Bush's head on a porn star's body fucking
a porn star body with Bin Laden's head on it, Bin Laden's head on
a porn star's body fucking a porn star body with Bush's head on
it, and so forth. We
had our fun then, too.
But we realized all these things are IMPORTANT
and need to be taken very SERIOUSLY. We live in a very serious day
and age, like Star Wars. There is a struggle between good and evil
going down, and it's just not right to joke about that. This is
not just biology playing itself out on a global playing field we
have here. This is not just one of thousands of animal species butting
heads over resources and killing each other. No. because we're special.
We drive big cars. We buy and sell stuff. And that makes us better.
In fact, we are serious, and these are serious
times. America appears to have forgotten what it stands for and
why it exists. Like any system, it appears to be crumbling. We've
had a great run, we must admit. But the head knows that the body
responds to fear. You can sell that just like you can sell toothpaste.
And you can use the same methods. They've been proven to work. 3
out of 4 dentists agree to that. And, since we're American, we have
freedom, and other people do not. We have the freedom to vote for
BushClinton and freedom to buy things. So there again.
So we bid you adieu, and go in search of
bigger and better things, knowing full well that we
cannot make a difference, and that we'd be far better off taking
the advice of P.T. Barnum and devising methods of economic conquest
over the slobbering masses. But we insist on doing other things
that might entertain 3 or 4 of you out there and maybe...just maybe...might
make you give us your money. These are listed here:
will be put on its own server, continue to run, and be
updated more often
Papaya Project (in development), a new and interesting
musical endeavor, is in the process of being mixed and packaged.
It stems from various collaborations as musicisdead.com, which will
be laid to rest. Some preliminary music can be found here, with
more to come.
America - A band from New York City
we hope you will listen to that includes at least one member of
Onion-o-Matic - We've replaced the entire writing staff
with the Onion-o-Matic, a beat up Linux box here in the office that
randomly generates quasi-hilarious content. Get yourself a fresh
slice of biting satire every time you visit the page, guaranteed!
Trout Fishing in America (self-explanatory)
References and materials available upon